I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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