bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm like, not good at living.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
