if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Randomize
