Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
