did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Pants are for mortals
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
