You made me cry and you don't even care
Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
