Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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