using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
