You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
smell my finger.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
