in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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