"it" just moved
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
