yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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