He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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