I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
