so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
