u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
