I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
