Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
