Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
