did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
