So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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