lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
