He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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