I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
