Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
