Small penises have feelings too.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
