2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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