Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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