420 ftw
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
