Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
