you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
