is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
wow bdsm is so cute
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