My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
