Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
