We won't sleep together?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
