sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
