Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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