Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
