those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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