I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
