I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
