she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
she told me i tasted like america
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
