Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
