I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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