ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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