we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
