I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
