I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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