I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
