Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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