and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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