YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
